Thursday, January 21, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A CANCER PATIENT
I wanted to write this blog because I was reading some stuff today on a different blog site about how people were reacting to their cancer news. Not only were they talking about that, but also their reaction to comments that people have made to them since they have gotten cancer. I couldn't believe what I was reading. I guess each of us have our own reaction to certain things. These people were saying they are tired of hearing others say to them "you are so strong" or "you are in my prayers". I thought jeez what do you want people to say. There is no book, (yet, I'm considering writing it) on what to say to a cancer patient. So would they rather people ask them "so when are you gonna die"? How would that be? I mean, people are doing what they know to do. It seems to me that some people that become diagnosed with cancer all of a sudden seem to think they are now allowed to tell people what they should or shouldn't say to other people with cancer.
Cancer is Cancer. It is not some new right you have to tell people how they should respond to others like yourself. For me personally I like it when people say, you are so strong, because that is what I want to be, so the more people that tell me the more I feel it. The one comment I get more than any other is "you don't look sick" now that one is a give and take for me. Sometimes people say it and I feel good, Like wow I must be looking good today. Then others say it as if I am lying about being sick, and I am just saying I have cancer for some stupid reason. Whatever the case may be cancer is a terrible thing, it is a hard thing to deal with, and the cancer patient has alot on their plate.
What we have to remember is we are still individuals with cancer. We each react different to the news and the responses. I don't expect every cancer patient to do what I have done, or think how I think. I also don't want them telling others how they should respond to "us". It's as if we are some new race, or religion. Like people have to be careful what they say to us or we will be offended. I love people, and I try to find the good in all. I would never rag on anyone making a comment to me about my illness, they are only doing what they think will make me feel better. So I accept it, and thank them, because maybe they are saying what they would want someone to say to them if they had cancer. One of the speakers on the other blog said the worst for him is the comment "I'll pray for you". He went on to say that he is atheist and anyone praying for him will do no good. He's Right! Well, guess what, God could careless, the person who said they would pray is going to get a blessing for caring about human kind.
So the next time you meet someone with cancer and arent sure what to say, ask them. WHAT DO I SAY TO YOU? They will either say what they want to hear, like, "just pray for me", or "there is nothing anybody can say right now" and leave it at that. Tell them if they need to you, you'll be there for them. Cancer is a touchy subject, for all involved- the doctors, the patients, the family members, and friends. It's really not "WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A CANCER PATIENT" but what to say. The majority of us appreciate your concern, and well wishes. So thank you, from a cancer patient.
Cancer is Cancer. It is not some new right you have to tell people how they should respond to others like yourself. For me personally I like it when people say, you are so strong, because that is what I want to be, so the more people that tell me the more I feel it. The one comment I get more than any other is "you don't look sick" now that one is a give and take for me. Sometimes people say it and I feel good, Like wow I must be looking good today. Then others say it as if I am lying about being sick, and I am just saying I have cancer for some stupid reason. Whatever the case may be cancer is a terrible thing, it is a hard thing to deal with, and the cancer patient has alot on their plate.
What we have to remember is we are still individuals with cancer. We each react different to the news and the responses. I don't expect every cancer patient to do what I have done, or think how I think. I also don't want them telling others how they should respond to "us". It's as if we are some new race, or religion. Like people have to be careful what they say to us or we will be offended. I love people, and I try to find the good in all. I would never rag on anyone making a comment to me about my illness, they are only doing what they think will make me feel better. So I accept it, and thank them, because maybe they are saying what they would want someone to say to them if they had cancer. One of the speakers on the other blog said the worst for him is the comment "I'll pray for you". He went on to say that he is atheist and anyone praying for him will do no good. He's Right! Well, guess what, God could careless, the person who said they would pray is going to get a blessing for caring about human kind.
So the next time you meet someone with cancer and arent sure what to say, ask them. WHAT DO I SAY TO YOU? They will either say what they want to hear, like, "just pray for me", or "there is nothing anybody can say right now" and leave it at that. Tell them if they need to you, you'll be there for them. Cancer is a touchy subject, for all involved- the doctors, the patients, the family members, and friends. It's really not "WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A CANCER PATIENT" but what to say. The majority of us appreciate your concern, and well wishes. So thank you, from a cancer patient.
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